My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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