Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
