Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My vagina is officially offended.
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