C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
