His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
