do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
