I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
This toilet bowl is my home.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
