he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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