I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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