She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
