So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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