Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize