Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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