We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
