Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He uses pillows to masturbate.
if only i could text you this smell
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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