my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
