i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
