at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
