Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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