I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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