Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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