I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
