Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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