why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
