fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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