i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
