BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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