Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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