final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
