Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
This girl is more easily done than said...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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