I'm so fucking centered right now
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize