worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
