Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
