The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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