fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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