and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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