so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
