Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
