plz talk dirty to me
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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