You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She bit a glass in half.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
