hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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