Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
