Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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