can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
