office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
