Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize