Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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