walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
