I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
