I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
