Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
