Did you just see the Batmobile???
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
