We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I understand Curling. That high.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
