She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
