your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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