And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
