What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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