So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
