His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Vodka?
Forever.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
