how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
