So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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