were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
