Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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