How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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