"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
