for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
