the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
