fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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