my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
