I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
