Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
