Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
