Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
